missemmamm

thoughts of an introspective party girl

Life Imitates Art: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Posted by missemmamm on December 12, 2009

What happened to all of those morality cartoons and specials that were supposed to teach us something growing up? I thought about this while watching Rudolph for the 1st time in years tonight. I enjoyed the program when I was little but it didn’t seem to apply. In grade school, for the most part, everyone got along. Of course there was good natured ribbing but nothing really out of the ordinary. We weren’t Stepford children or anything. Kids were different. Some were short, some tall, some skinny, some fat, some white, some black, but we didn’t ostracize each other for our differences. All of us just wanted to play tether ball, hopstoch, hand games and wear our hair in pony tales with balls at the end.

Despite this I had a feeling of dread prior to the start of high school. I had seen enough movies to know that I wouldn’t popular. I tried to make myself fit in before school started. My mother took me to every hair stylist in the mall. None of them wanted to attempt to straighten my hair. After going back 2 or 3 times, one of them told my mother that she would try but that my hair would probably just go back to normal in a few hours & that she wouldn’t issue a refund when this happened. So I decided to go the other way. I thought I’ll be me. I’ll have fun. I went to one of the salons and asked them to dye my hair red, as dark as possible. The woman kept showing me shades & I would say “No, darker”. She was so amused that she had 3 or 4 other stylists come over so she could show them. I have very thick hair as well, so she told me she had to use lots of extra bottles of color and would charge me extra. (I now realize that she did exaggerate, but I didn’t know shit about dying hair then). I walked out of the salon with an awesome bright do. I bought color stay shampoo and went home. This was on Friday. I started school on Monday & didn’t want it to wash out, so I didn’t wash my hair. Somehow it still faded. I had to mention it to friends & even then they could only spot a slight tint.

Aside from that, I wore what I wanted. One of the most out there outfits was a lime green vinyl jacket with matching skirt that I bought from Dots. I later sold this via eBay to a dude who only wore vinyl. I know I had a pic of me in this but I can’t locate it. I also wore regular clothes. But I was put down for everything. My hair was too “poufy”, my name was strange (you can make jokes out of both my first & last name), I was fat. I was actually average size. Sometimes I believed that this had to do with the Academic classes that I took, which were populated by preppy, rich kids. Of course, I didn’t fit in there. However it became apparent that the whole school had found a target when even a boy that I had been in class with since I was 4, who called my mother Mrs. & now who had become a thug & was buying drugs from the dealers who lived next door to me called my name in the hallway one day. I wasn’t sure what he wanted but when I stopped, he called me an insult. So I was the whipping boy for every class, although this was pre-emo & there weren’t the 50,000 cliques that there are now. I could go on & on about the horrible stuff that everyone did to me but I’m saving that for the tv movie. xd. They beat me down for years, so I mostly ignored everyone & kept to myself.

For along time I assumed that the whole of the world was like this. When I visited my niece in WV, people were nice though. Even the cheerleading squad that my niece was a part of didn’t treat me like shit. Through the years I visited my sister in Maryland & eventually lived there with her. She told me that other places weren’t the same. (She had been teased too, but not to my degree). I didn’t believe her at first. However it was true. I had found my own little Island of Misfit toys. I suppose that my Baltimore friends would be looked at as freaks & weirdos by the people here, as would my net friends. Not that I care.

Since I’ve gotten this new sort of high fashion hair do strangers have been treating me bad at stores by cashiers & customers. It’s probably that combined with my piercing & makeup. It doesn’t make me sad. Sometimes it makes me angry. I almost wanted to laugh at this customer & cashier when I was in line at the grocery the other day though. There were acting like I had AIDs or something. The customer moves her stuff away from mine on the conveyor belt (yes, there was a spacer in between), the cashier was pretty abrupt once she saw my face & I just thought “Here are 2 women with that hideous old lady hair do that they act like is forced upon them”, one was only 40 & they think I look bad. Yes, I could wear my hair long with no makeup but it would still be my hair, I would still be me & if everyone is gonna mistreat me, I might as well be myself. I have my reasons for living here right now but that doesn’t change the fact that I would still like to have my own little band of misfits here but there aren’t any. Tres annoying.

P.S. The pic from when I was in 7th grade above includes some of my friends at the time. Some of them were insulted in Jr. High but I stuck up for them. Isn’t it nice how they really stuck through everything with me. LOL


Real Maryland Friends

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2 Responses to “Life Imitates Art: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”

  1. Mark said

    Mary thank you so much for the introspective blog.

    Those photos of you when you were little are so precious.

    One thing that I have learned from Mary is to focus on things that make my life better. So many people on Twitter and on the internet drone on and on about how miserable they are. Many even go to the extreme of ruining anything good that happens to them. On the other hand there is Mary. I’m certain that Mary has her ups and downs but her posts always come back to something she enjoys or finds amusing. Something that interests or entertains her and if you allow you too.

    It’s only a matter of time till more and more people realize that if they don’t know Mary they are really missing out.

  2. Kiki said

    Great post. It makes me think of my time of HS. I grew up in New Zealand and have, at this currently time, lived longer in NZ than here in the US, but was still considered the “odd ball” in school because I wasn’t a “true kiwi” (kiki is the term for a New Zealander). Glad to know I have an awesome “Misfits” like you to join on the island. 😛

    Perfect analogy!

    PS: Absolutely LOVE your “saving that for the tv movie”. 😉

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